dandan321

I don't know about all of you. But, I am very anti-materialism.

And, those god damn commercials for Valentines Day are pissing me off.

BUY HER A DIAMOND NECKLACE TO SHOW HER LOVE LIKE YOU NEVER HAVE BEFORE; YOU KNOW BECAUSE SPENDING MONEY ON HER JUST SHOWS HOW SHALLOW THE FUCKING RELATIONSHIP IS AND EVERY PERSONAL PROBLEM THAT HAVE IRREFUTABLY AVOIDED TRYING TO SOLVE BY SHOVING IT UNDER THE CARPET FOR 3 YEARS WILL NOW BE PERFECTLY FINE BECAUSE YOU BOUGHT HER A SHINY ROCK THAT COST A GRAND

Ugh.

I'm all for showing your partner love, share the love, man. But, the superficiality of these commercials just push me over the edge sometimes.


Au contraire to the tone of this post, I'm in a very good mood.

So, yeah. I love Galneryus.

I went on musical hiatus again in terms of listening to music. Decided to check out Galneryus again and I hit up a track of them. Oh my God...They are easily my favourite band.
 

WHOOO

Did you know, that in some parts of America, you can get more jail time for kidnapping than murder?

How much does a person have to take before being given slack for the mistakes he's made? Up to what point, and on how many occasions must he suffer before one can give him an ounce of humility for the crimes he's commited? 

Some would say never. I honestly want, all these people to experience that same harshness and see how fair life is if it were lived by their own accord.

Roman Polanski.

An absolutely phenomenal Movie Director. He's made amazing movies. The Pianist would be probably be most well known. I love that movie.

He is: A holocaust survivor, witnessed his parents be killed by Nazis, his pregnant wife and best friend was murdered by Charles Manson, and witnessed the entire nation turn on him.

He raped with a 13 year old girl, 30 years ago. Which is absolutely horrid, and what most would consider unforgivable. But, after what he's been through; not even taking into account his accomplishments, I'd say, he deserves just a bit of slack.

He paid his dues, and did the jail time; being released back into society, under the state rule would be considered a second chance. Not for him, but anybody. People say they support the system, but how many of those same people can testify that they treated an ex-convict like a normal human being? And, that's the problem. They don't want to believe that normal people can do these type of crimes, he has to be a monster. Only monsters can do such evil, and are not to be trusted. What is evil? I'll answer that another time. Anyways.

People, still refuse to see his movies.

Why am I bringing him up? His latest movie The Ghost Writer, comes out in two weeks and it looks amazing.

I never really feel alone when I'm by myself. Is that strange? To most, I would assume, yes. For one, I sound almost Christian-like, as if I were to say Jesus is always walking beside me, protecting me. Second of all, partnership is probably the most advertised idea of all time. Also, probably the oldest one. It's probably embedded into the genes of a lot of the these people, almost innate like.  

Both, don't apply to me. Whether or not I experience the feeling of loneliness is so overshadowed by my abberation of love. Most people know the four different types of love. The specific words or not, you can pretty much guess it just by using examples. But, there is a fifth and happens to be the one I strive for.

Agape.

Like the love of God for all of her creations, all equal in her eyes.

Most people know me for my obsession with Character Development, but that directly concides with my life goal. That is to, be able to empathize with absolutely everyone.

Life can be overwhelming, and I don't want anybody to feel like they're alone in the world.

You are not alone. Far from it.

Come, experience life with me.

You won't regret it.

Bear with me here, I'm trying to create a new stereotype.

Why is it that everyone in Toronto who listens to mainstream rap or hip hop suck their teeth every two seconds? Everything displeases them apparently.

I don't see anyone else doing it, just the people who blast their ipods and you can hear the looping beat of a sample and a guy repeating a hook about a hundred times. Am I bashing on rap? No, I enjoy rap, but not mainstream rap, the appeal is too superficial and it practically brainwashes all of it's listeners. How is it, they come to learn this body language? They obviously imitated somebody, but nobody sucks their teeth in a rap song, pretty sure they don't do it in music videos.

It's one of the most irritating sounds I've ever heard.

I was googling it, and I know it's a worldwide thing. Call them racist, but it is a known fact that it originated in West Africa, and the Westerners referred to it as hissing. It is a HUGE offence to use it on anybody that is their elder, worse than an expletive apparently. It's a terrible thing there, but elsewhere around the world apparently it can mean amusement or even agreement. Very different.

It's obviously a sign of evolution, and how we learned it from our fellow primates and I find that fascinating. I can't believe some people don't believe in evolution; BUT ITS ONLY A THEORY UNTIL PROVEN DANIEL. Well, it's been 500 years and nothing has even replaced it thus far, I'd say evolution is a pretty safe bet.

The moon is so pretty tonight.

I went to Animal Services today, to check out the kitties.

SO CUTEEEEEE~

meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

My mom causes me so much anxiety that I didn't even realize how much of an effect it had on me. To put it simply, even though I thought I could put up with it, which I thought I was doing flawlessly, may be the result of the head trauma I'm having. I don't want to blame her, but it's either due to the fact that I care too much about her and her opinion and it's causing me to breakdown, or I secretly hate her so much that it is also causing me to slowly die progressively. Either way, I'm glad I made the decision to leave; I may love her but in this sense I love her to the point it hurts, it's causing me physical pain and it's hindering my growth as a person.


Selfish or selfless, this is one of the biggest decisions I've made and not once have I considered staying. I'm leaving this place to go to Vancouver Island.

How could I not fucking notice how much of a toll it had on me. It's pretty unbearable at times. No amount of drugs or medication can cure this.

I always thought I was the parasite leeching off of her, but it seemed it was the other way around. Sucking the energy out of me, but I don't want you to give you the responsibility of relieving it.

My only role model, became a hinderance.

It's always annoyed me that a single event in your life causes you to radically be inclined to clam up towards a person you've always cared for. Just a rumor even, can cause you doubt every moment in your life to create a strong holding of a bond called 'trust'.

People are very unforgiving. To everyone, even themselves. I never understood why, other than the fact that they mix up awareness with hatred or fear. It's a very thin line, I must admit. As is, paranoia from being overly cautious.

Or, that 'criminals' basically lose all credibility for the rest of their lives. If a revered Professor is charged with molestation, not only does his career go to the shits, but his entire family starts to doubt him.

Of course, on the flip side of the coin, a lot of people get away with the crimes they've committed, the rumors they've spread, the seeds of hate they planted and so on and so on. But, I believe most murderers wouldn't kill again, not because I think they've changed but just the fact that most of those crimes are just so unwarranted and spontaneous. They got caught up in the heat of the moment. Consequences don't exist at that very second, the other individual confesses their crime. Which goes hand to hand in with being unforgiving. The prison is just for appearances, you WILL go to jail if you commit this crime, that's the message it spreads. The system is just as unforgiving as the people who sentence them there. I not only speak of the judges, but the people, with the fear in their eyes; they won't feel safe at night until that man is behind bars!

You can live a life like Jesus, or a saint. But, one false move, and you're a criminal. You touch the lives of millions and then be accused of laying your hands on a child, you are the enemy. You're scum.

Once the finger is pointed at you, you realize how harsh it is. How cold the stares are, maybe more vicious than death itself.

To bare a grudge, I think makes you yourself a certain kind of criminal. Hate is a crime. And, it causes you to create your own kind of jail around yourself, tagged with a life sentence. To forgive sets you free.

People just see what they want to see.

I will definitely NOT play Canon in D, or Air in G Major. If cliches had an expiry date, using these would be considered necrophilia.

Though, foremost I probably wouldn't have a traditional marriage. But, if I were to have one, I'd like the music to be Chopin. Wonderful Chopin. Or, maybe some soft opera. Or!!!! My favourite videogame composer, Yasunori Mitsuda. His music is incredible!

If it wasn't traditional, I'd defintely get some high paced jazz going, throw in a funeral march or two for fun, get Paul Gilbert to do a rock version of Here Comes the Bride and top it off with some snazzy techno. Have strobelights everywhere, put random indie shit here and there for shits and giggles. Put a couple of things on fire but covered in the substance that causes them not to burn down. Have some Chinese New year Dragons going around, get a couple of Japanese people to throw oranges into the audience. When the bride walks in, everyone stands up and does the Hitler Salute.

"Do you take MEIN KAIZER as your lovely wedded wife?" XD xD xD

Each guest would have their own dress code, dress as their own nationality or something; would be pretty interesting.

The food would be a potluck!

And, there would definitely be an Irish drinking contest.

Finish it off with cheap fireworks and we start doing camp songs around an imaginary bonfire~

That sounds so badass...Now I have to get married!

Why? 

Not for the things that I have done. Not that I regret anything.

But, my body is ridiculously fucked up. Not mentally, physically.

I was born completely healthy apparently, but I was injected with a couple of vaccinations which had terrible affects on me, leading to me being sick extremely often and having dozens of ear infections. I was allergic to milk, which was my favourite beverage. And, it still is at times.

In Grade 3, I realized I had tinnitus. Which is the ringing of the ears. At all times I hear a constant buzzing in my ears, and it truly does effect my hearing while talking to people. My mom has oversensitive ears. Thus leading to problems, because I'm always listening to things louder than average to avoid hearing the internal sounds of my head.

My eyes are fucked up. My vision is degrading normally, but I see with a blurred contrast, I think if you were to close your eyes deeply and concentrate on what you see with closed eyes, you start to see images of light that are almost static looking. I see that with my eyes open. I have 3 eye floaters as well. When it is dark, I'm basically completely blind. If there is no light whatsoever, I can honestly say I understand how it feels to be blind. A terrifying feeling it is, I must admit.

It seems obvious to me that I will have a severe case of arthritis when I grow up, all over my body. My bones hurt easily and the tendons in my hands just start hurting for no reason every so often throughout the day. Every part of my body cracks at will, or at  often times just by moving into certain positions.

I have a skin problem that I was basically born with. Eczema, a common problem with people has been constantly nagging random parts of my body.

I have weak lungs and I have no idea why.

But, none of these bother me as much as the problem I've gained only recently in comparison to the rest. About a year and a half ago, my head started bothering me. It feels like it could implode at anytime, like standing upside down for an entire minute and then getting back up, it feels as if there is far too much blood in my head. I feel this at all times. This constant pressure in my head makes it hard for me do things. I gave up sports because it was too painful. And, there is this constant heart beat in my head that I can feel which can become extremely painful. Unbearable sometimes. Advil doesn't do anything at all. Just going from the sitting position to standing up can make my head feel bloated. It's like a forced apathy on me. I can live with everything else, but the pain in my head is just atrocious.

I'm 5"7' at 140 pounds and very well proportioned, but it feels like everything is wrong with me. There are no demons for me to face, no hidden agendas, no ill emotions to conquer. Everything I have done to this point to build character does nothing for me physically.

I'm quite confident in saying I won't make it past 30. I just know I'll die young.

I never complain about it, I don't want people to think I'm just bringing them down. I've never been fond of excuses.

Depression has never occurred to me, I will find a way. I'm going to make huge changes in my lifestyle. A self-defeatist attitude will never accomplish anything.

Life is worth living, and I will strive to live.

People are all over the world telling their one dramatic story and how their life has turned into getting over this one event. Now their lives are more about the past than their future.

Unlike what seems to be the general consensus of the majority, I do not listen to music everyday. Sometimes I go days not listening to anything except for the occasional Youtube link my friends would send me.

But, every time I get back into listening to it...it's just so glorious. Music makes me feel absolutely wondrous. I might even be understating the depths of the ineffable brilliance of it all!

I wish music was edible, then nobody would ever go hungry. And, the world would be set...free.

IM SO TIRED!

I decided to go with Rich to Chris' place because...I don't know because Chris can be a cool guy sometimes. That ended up being a huge turn of events when we decided to go on a road trip last minute to Niagara Falls. I didn't even think twice about it, it was just like ROOOOOOAAADDD TRIPPPPP. But, yeah I'm sure most people know me as quite impulsive. Well, if you don't I'm very impulsive. I also enjoy doing stupid things like the little kid I still am. Like throwing stuff! Yeahhhhh! Let's throw everything we can possibly find into the falls!

Oh, did I fail to mention that this was decided at 11 pm? And, we ended up getting there around 1: 20 am. Haha, now that's living!

Ended up having a snow fight. The whole thing was great actually. It wasn't with people I'm that fond with but the trip was fantastic. Except Leo, that kid is an uptight bitch about answering questions. It was honestly talking to a girl whose 'innocent' and doesn't want to talk about losing her virginity so every answer that comes out is a shy 'I don't knowwww' *blushes*. That' so lame. I can say I'm extremely honest when it comes to any topic, it's just more fun that way.

Next up, I plan to go on a walk with my buddy Andrew. But, damn I'm so tired, he wants to walk to every subway station which is what we usually do but hopefully I can convince him to just walk around the block and we can just watch a movie instead. xD

Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.

Tell me what you did that was awesome this week? I'd love to hear it.

When my mom changes up things just for the sake of change. She knows that I only want to drink Orange Juice because I've reiterated about a hundred times, but every week she'll decide to just get Apple-Strawberry-Orange-Kiwi Sunspots Fruit Mix! just because she thought it would be cool to do. Once you start mixing too many fruits together it just tastes like swallowing packets of liquid sugar. And, I'm not fond of overly sweet things, especially to the point of sending me to a comatose state to wake up trapped in Wonderland and I'll have to defeat the queen in a Card Game version of 4D chess, where the loser will be beheaded and fed to the gnomes which will cause them to immediately spontaneously combust which is then put out by Mario's FLUDD device from Super Mario Sunshine.

That last sentence was about as nonsensical as my mom trying to keep making me suffer with her dollar sale fruit mixes.

Do not try and believe in god. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth. There is no god. Then you'll see, that it is not god that is being believed in, it is only yourself.

You are my love, the extacy you bring me in every ivory key you bang out can be compared to that of the miracle workings of Jesus.

"The gunfire around us makes it hard to hear. But the human voice is different from other sounds. It can be heard over noises that bury everything else. Even when it’s not shouting. Even when it’s just a whisper. Even the lowest whisper can be heard – over armies..when it’s telling the truth."
— Edmond Zuwanie, The Interpreter

As lovely as this quote is, how often is the truth delivered wholly and openly? 

I could rant about politics, I truly could, and dismantle the whole system but who hasn't done that? 

It's just at the same time, the people who complain about the system don't realize that they in turn are the one's causing the problems. Like the famous line, these people can't handle the truth; they ask for it, no doubt, but the complete truth is too unappealing to accept. The truth needs a slant on it, it needs to be etched in something prettier, that can satsify. Because, truly; how often does the truth satisfy? The truth is much like reality, somtimes it can be very cruel and takes no sides.

Are people blind to this? Oblivious? I'd say no. We have grown as a society to the point that the average person can become well informed given the effort, while in the past the average person wouldn't consider anything outside of their playpen. I can see people trying their hardest to live in a bubble, but they can't deny what's out there and I don't understand why they cannot just accept it. To them, the truth can't be evil, in essence that would be outiside of their comfort zones. People see justice and the truth to be one and the same. But, essentially, evil is misunderstood by the observer.

What comes to mind is that I once read that most people live in some sort of delusion to be happy. It was a scientific study where they compared people who were depressed and the 'average' goer who were satisfied with themselves. They would rate themselves and then a panel of 6 would rate each of them, and it turned out the people who were depressed rated themselves more realistically to which the panels usually rated them about the same score. While the average goer would give themselves an 8 or a 9 while the panels would give them a 5, so to say. They saw themselves as something they weren't. People who are depressed have a more accurate perception of themselves, but why is that depressing? I can't seem to wrap my hands around why it is so hard to swallow the fact that you are not extraordianary. The fact alone makes me strive to achieve that label, because I believe it takes effort. To just break down the word, extra and ordinary, it would take something extra being an ordinary person to attain such status.

Maybe, it just goes back to this society. Where it goes back to materialism and instant gratification. We want to be something amazing without putting the hours into the goal, causing us to have unrealistic views of reality itself. Is reality the problem? I find the thought amusing. I wonder how many people are living in fantasy compared to the ones who enjoy reality.

But, anyways, I digress. Knowledge of my reality makes me happier than any of a fantasy. Maybe my own delusions are my definitions of truth and happiness; the human condition can be terrifying.

And, I'm feeling quite satisfied about it. I watched Up in the Air just tonight with my buddy Rich, and it had a lot of Existential elements in it. Heavy stuff. Fantastic movie though                                                                      .

Top movies from 2009 at the top of my head:

Watchmen
Up in the Air
Up
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Avatar
Star Trek
District 9
Inglorious Basterds
Public Enemies

Oh and a pleasant surprise was Orphan, probably the best horror/thriller movie I've seen in a VERY long time.

I'm going to watch Ebert's top list of movies of 2009 soon. Roger Ebert is the most well known critic in terms of reviewing movies, if you guys have never heard of him.